The Only Answer

This is a song by Mike Doughty that is like a short story. You can see the images as he sings of them and easily imagine the full story.

upon the rails
among the weeds
I had a moment of
serenity
I saw you stand
in all the green
upon the rusting rail
balancing

you were
the only answer
my plans
spun all around you
five years in the wrong, I am assured
my name to you is just another word

and in your bed
in morristown
you had magazines
thrown around
from under them
the phone it rang
and in the margin there
you wrote the number down

you were
the only answer
my plans
spun all around you
five years in the wrong, I am assured
my name to you is just another word

another word
another word
the only answer, another word,
the only answer
the only answer
the only answer

Looking back

Humans have limited ability to collect and process information in the moment. Sometimes we do a pretty good job of assessing our reaction, our emotions, etc. right away. Even with this, it is unlikely when we look back at that moment (even at little as an hour later), we will recall the event or our reaction the same.* What is the valid experience then? Or is the moment and each recall of that moment equally valid experiences in our lives?

Seven years ago, after a year of not riding, I went on a horse drive in the Mammoth Lake region of California. I recently I returned to that experience, both in memory and in reality. This time, I was in fine riding shape and took a friend with me. As we headed out, I was stunned by how clear my memory was of the details of the trail. I hadn't thought of the previous trip much after I went on it, but undoubtedly had taken in and held a great amount of information from the ride. This time, I wanted to be struck with an overwhelming sense of "this is so great, I am having a great time" during the trip. Yet, if you have ever ridden the trail for 5-6 hours a day, you know there is no way to say such in the moment. It wasn't until that I got home and thought about the trip, did I feel the saturating beauty of the experience. Like sitting with my friend under the shade of a juniper, sipping a beer and gazing upon the mountains. Or watching him ride a ridge to bring down some stragglers. Hanging out on the back of my borrowed steed, holding the herd, waiting for the back of the train to catch up. Or the blistering headache brought on by riding through dust and sagebrush. I had had such a miminal emotional reaction at the time because I was taking in so much information. That had to come in looking back.
*See "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert for more