Goodbye, Leo

As soon as my eyes shut, the slide show begins,
Yesterday is gone now and panic sets in,
With a weight upon my chest and a ghost on my back
And the numbing sensation of everything I lack
That leaves me dreaming, dreaming, dreaming
Your real world away.
-Brandi Carlile "Late Morning Lullaby"


How many times in life do people, animals, jobs, love, and good times leave you or perhaps more challenging, you have to leave them? Sometimes it is sudden, other times it is planned. Sometimes you have to leave good things behind to reach other goals, to find other happiness. This is what I face now, with my horse Leo finding himself a new home. I gave him up to open the opportunity of not being locked into my current job and/or perhaps buying a house. I put my faith in the possibilities the future to get me through the pain of saying goodbye. I know he will be fine and make his own happiness in his new place, seducing treats out of people with his nickers. Oh, but for me, I see on the horizon more change, more saying goodbye, to things I love dearly and to things I don't, but just cannot seem to pull myself away from.

Smacking into Trees

Imagine you are flying low over a field sparsely poplulated with trees. Across the field runs a pack of people, apparently blindfolded, as you watch a few run into the trees (there is a similar scene in a spanish movie, the name of which I cannot recall). Some may miss many of the trees, only to smack into one very close to the end of the course. We could also turn this scene around and the people are not blindfolded, but trees and walls pop out out of the ground randomly, taking out some while others are able to dodge at the last minute. In all cases, the people survive, stumbling around for a few minutes, then run off again.

The more I live, the more I see the limited capabilities of man. I still don't know why I am so surprised by this and why I thought we could be closer to "perfect" than is really possible. You think you are doing just fine, doing your work/family/relationship well, then *SMACK* you hit a tree or maybe luckily just trip on a root. All the planning, obsessing, monitoring, working in the world will not prevent this. You will hit boundries of your and others capabilities. And this boundries may no be consistantly placed. There are a myriad examples of times in life where even with intent, effort, or careful reasoning, you cannot avoid your own weaknesses (that you may never be able to overcome), others weaknesses, or other bumps in the road. I think that it comes down to accepting that we will run into trees. And in the end, perhaps the greatest capability of man is to keep going, in spite of the trees.