Monday, December 29, 2008
I thought they cared?
I work hard to succeed, to exceed expectations, to pursue financial stability, meet my potential. Yet, it does not matter to them as I expected. They smile and nod, cannot really understand the challenges I have faced, but they recognize my success weakly. I have done all I thought they wanted, yet they are not overjoyed. There is no copious praise, no awe. It is not like they assumed my success for such is never certain. I go downstairs to watch "House" and separate myself from them. I guess I have assumed their expectations incorrectly. I knew that they wanted me to succeed, but they didn't know what that meant more than I did. And now, I see it doesn't matter to them. As long as I am not asking for money, not breaking the law, sick, or dead, the path of my life doesn't really matter to them. Not as I want it to matter to them. Those expectations I thought were theirs are mostly my own extrapolations. I guess I only need to please myself; do what I need and want to do. I don't need to impress them. So I sit and watch "House," regretting that they will not understand what I did for them and wondering how good I really can be. As long as I care, that is all that matters in the end.
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